Unbothered

I have used all the manure that has been thrown at me, as fertilizer to make me stronger.

Eartha Kitt

For years I’ve lived my life on the remote controls of those around me. For years I’ve had to look over my shoulder…waiting to see who was with me, who was against me and who was walking down in the middle because they didnt have the guts to pick a side. For years I’ve lived my life needing the validation from the people around me. I’ve lived my life trying to impress the world around me…It was a conversation that went like this…

People: Jump

Me: How high?

Sad dialogue right?

Anyways, I’ve said this before and I will say it again…”trying to please people can be exhausting”

I know we are already 3 months into the year but hey, it’s never too late to really talk to you guys. I feel It’s still early enough to tell you this.

As I watched my friends make their new year resolutions, I made one for myself…

To be unbothered

As of today, learn to stop letting all things affect you. Remind yourself it’s not about what’s happening but it’s about how you react to what’s happening. Learn to go with the flow of how things happen.Let what comes, come and what goes, go.Get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. #unbothered

Learn to get over the things or people who constantly weigh you down. Whether you have to let go of them, whoop their ass, or forgive them, do it and do it now, so you can refocus. #unbothered

Stressed? Anxious? Take a deep breath and tell yourself every problem has a solution. Reflect, reflect and reflect. Before you speak or act, Stop and think about how your reaction will affect the situation. Stop and ask yourself if the situation deserves your reaction at all. #unbothered

Dont hold grudges. Don’t let your heart be troubled by anything that makes it lose its peace. Don’t let anyone stepping on your toes get a reaction out of you. Stay calm and let go of what you can’t change. #unbothered

Be so unbothered it bothers people… It will be so beautiful seeing you be above all that. Focused and unbothered. Peep shit, keep calm, laugh and flip your hair…if you dont have hair, flip your head if you must. #unbothered

Develop a new mantra…

If it doesn’t make me happy, make me better, or make me any money, I don’t make time for it.

Change the conversation to;

People: Jump

Me: *rolls eyes and walks away*

Be so unbothered, the people around you wont know how to act when you start growing into your soul…and if all fails, always remember this

*When life gets too hard to stand, kneel*

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The Ugly duckling

They see the ugly thing that is me…she said

Four days until we say adios to 2018 and say aloha to 2019… Is it just me or was 2018 the longest year ever. Anyways, I am not here to discuss your New Year resolutions but I am here to discuss something more personal. I have been sitting on this for a while now.

So for my birthday this year, I gave myself a gift… I finally got my body ink. I’ve always wanted one to be honest, I’ve just been scared…of the pain, but mostly of what my parents will say.

P.S (They still don’t know so maybe let’s keep this between us for now *🤫🤫🤫*).

It reads:

“Imperfection is Beauty”

I’ve had people asking me, why that specific phrase and most times I just said, well it is cute, and it is truly…but there is more to it than just being cute. So here is my story.

In 2008, I was in 7th grade and like any other primary school kid , I was excited to go to high school, but my excitement was cut short because somehow my parents and I didn’t see eye to eye when it came to me choosing what school to go to…let me fast forward I went to Canisianum Roman Catholic High School. I was disappointed but who was I to argue with them? It’s not like I had much of a choice either way, so I accepted my fate and decided “I got this” But I didn’t had it( I don’t know if that is English but ow well). Like all other schools, my school had rules but the one that stood out was basically the cutting of hair of both females and males. Don’t start picturing me bald just yet.😪

So I saw the rules and I was like, I don’t know if I want to do that… but as I said I had no choice really… Let me not bore you with the may useless details,let’s fast forward to an event that started it all. So we were a few months in our academic calendar and it was almost time for the annual Miss Canisianum beauty pageant. So these senior girls came to our rooms scouting for models so to say. I remember sitting on my bed right in the corner, doing I don’t know what and so I see these girls entering our room and approaching my roommates with the proposals to take part in the beauty pageant. Some of them even had like 5 to 6 people fighting to organize and sort of guide them if they choose to take part. So I sat there waiting for someone to approach me…You know, probably even made a few sounds just to show that there was a human who needed to be asked sitting right there. I kept waiting, jumped off from my bed a few 3 times and banged my locker a few 10 times but no one made any move towards me…

no one thought to ask the girl in the corner.

I still break down a few times when I remember that day, I don’t know if I will ever get over it completely. So I sat there in my corner, sad and disappointed, I could hear whispers going around the room as the senior girls tried to talk the other girls into joining the show… the one that stood out was:

“You are Beautiful”

So I sat there and thought to myself, Ahaa

so they are only approaching the beautiful girls…

Good to know. I mean who was I to argue with their judgment. That very day laid a thought in me that I was not pretty, I was not beautiful and I could definitely not compare even if I tried. Even if I had volunteered to take part, I would probably end up with no one giving a crap to even help me out. So that was it, I was ugly I told myself and of cause the hair cut wasn’t making it any easier… The most common complement I got when strangers approached me was “You look like a boy”… The kind ones took their time to ask if I was female or male… I mean at least they asked and just didn’t assume right. So throughout high school I had this belief that “I was not beautiful”… I mean my body also wasn’t doing me any justice especially when I wore my school uniform… I opted for pants instead of skirts, my ears are not pierced so you can’t really say she is wearing earrings, she is a girl and well my back and chest are both flat and I have a slender frame…in my uniform pants, even my small hips didn’t show… Sad I know.

The one way that people saw that I was actually a girl was if I smiled… So guess what, I learned to smile every single time…to remind them that I was a she, and not a he…*wink*

You know how every high school person’s dream is to finish high school and go to varsity; mine was a little different…

“I can’t wait to finish high school so I can be beautiful”

That was what kept me going for 5 years. I mean I don’t hate my school, I am thankful; it made me who I am… I just hate that I had to go through that emotional torture all on my own with no one to lean on. No one to actually say, snap out of it. I guess some roses really do grow through concrete after all. And no it wasn’t because I didn’t have anyone, I had great friends, I was just really good at keeping certain emotions in check around them… I mastered my poker face so much that to this day, only a few are able to tell what is really going on with me…when I take my guard down and freely allow myself to express what I feel. Majority still see a happy girl and they ask questions like “Are you always happy”No I am not always happy,

I guess I just got so used to making sure no one saw my vulnerable side, so much that it became a part of who I am.

Anyways, I survived and I lived to see many beautiful days and slowly I learned to actually see myself for who I was and not for who people saw. But I went through some dramatic phase before I got to where I am today… I gathered all or most of my high school pictures and I took a pair of scissors to relieve my stress…My ID is the one picture I have that I didn’t destroy…I guess I just thought if I didn’t see them, I wouldn’t be reminded of the person I was…the ugly girl who looked nothing like a girl.But I moved past it,

I learned to see myself as nothing but a beautifully flawed being.

I came from a place where my image of me was once detected by the little comments that people made.

I came from a place where I would constantly seek for reassurance that I am beautiful, valued and loved.

At a point I was a constant attention seeker, looking for validation that I am acceptable as I am.

The one thing that I didn’t know then was that your mind will always believe everything you feed it. No one directly came up to me and said Aloisia you are ugly… It was all me.

I took the little things and made a conclusion on my own.

So yes, I slowly moved past my ugly past, I needed something to remind me that it was okay to be flawed and that it was okay that I didn’t look like anyone else. I needed a constant reminder that yes I was made of flaws but they are stitched together with good intentions; and the phrase imperfection is beauty, gave me that justice or assurance.

“Be careful what you say to yourself…you are listening”

I am not saying I am completely over it; I am still getting there… At times I still find myself questioning what I see in the mirror and now and then I still find myself taking offense in pretty much anything someone says…but looking back, I know I’ve come a long way and I see the change. My self confidence has sky rocketed and I am proud of the woman I’ve become. I guess not all insecurities are bad right…yes they break you down but once you are determined to move past them, the burden becomes lighter .

That is the long version…short version is, I really just wanted a tattoo and so I got one😂😂😂

So as we prepare for this coming year lets remind ourselves that everyone is battling their own kind of demons and that you are not alone. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel insecure about certain things

we are flawed and that is what makes us human.

And finally make it a habit to appreciate yourself for trying. It’s a maize out here…at least you are trying right…

This is my last post for the year…I will talk to you in 2019.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to go through this thing called life…but for now we are taking a break.

Have a blessed 2019

#strength

Today I am celebrating all the ladies out there who have been through the most and still managed to be on top of their game.

Women who didn’t allow their situations to victimize them but instead stood up and just did it...Women who forced themselves to put one foot in front of the other and just fight though it all…

Never apologize for being a powerful fucking Woman

Tonight we are laying low

I can’t keep up, she said with a deep sigh

Sometimes everything hits you all at once. It’s up one day and down the next.You have it all together on Monday and by Thursday you don’t have a clue. You have your life planned out and goals set by sunrise but all of that seems to disappear by sundown...It comes to a point where you shock yourself when you realize for a moment you are actually worry free…but when you realize that, you can’t enjoy the little Joy that you feel in that moment anymore because everything can change with a snap of a finger.

All my life, I’ve always been a step ahead of things…I’ve always seen myself as the stable one. I’ve always known what to do most times…but lately; lately I’ve lost direction…I’ve lost touch with the stable me.

I get the feeling that the world is going so fast and I am lagging behind trying so hard to keep up but I can’t. Yes I’ve tried…Everything seems to be changing all at once.

The people around me are changing

The things I once found comforting are not so comforting anymore

The things I loved to do, have been put aside and replaced by the “I don’t care anymore” mood,

So much is going on and so much is changing and I can’t keep upMind you it’s not because I don’t want to but because I don’t know how to…

I don’t know how to readjust

I don’t know how I can change the being that I am to fit the new schedule of the changes around Me.

I can’t keep up…

So since that part has failed, I am going to do something else…

“Tonight I am laying low

In a world that moves so fast that we forget to take it slow

I don’t want to look in the mirror and wonder

“Where did she go”

So I am taking my time, and laying low”

Danielle Bradbery

Maybe I was looking at it from the wrong angle…Maybe I am not supposed to constantly try and adapt and adjust to the changes around me. Maybe I am just supposed to let what ever is happening happen and just move on…So I am going to do exactly that…

Note to Self:

Dear Me

We regret to inform you that your application to constantly try and keep up with the changing persons and Changing world around you has been declined.

We’ve officially resigned from trying to keep up with the constant changes...We are taking our time to readjust and figure out what to do…or atleast what we want-We are taking a deep breath in and just letting go…we are taking our time

We are not going to fight battles that are not ours and we are not going to put anyone else before ourselves…

We are going to remember that at the end of the day we are all we’ve got…

With love: Me

#ICantKeepUp

You Do have Time

“There’s just no time” she said as she rushed her way through life trying to catch up with everyone. She complained there was just not enough time as she compared her achievements to those around her…The one thing she didnt see though, was that she had enough time, only she spent it trying to be where everyone is…She spent it drawing up a comparison table between her and the rest of the world…She had time, only she wasn’t paying attention…


Moral: Remember you are in a different time zone with the people around you…If you keep thinking you need to be where others are at the same exact time, you are making life complicated for yourself…



At times we tend to look at others and think ow God she has her shit together…what’s wrong with me?

Already with that question we are encouraging a negative mindset by thinking something is wrong with us…which then leads us to making radical life decisions not knowing we are not in the right state of mind and that it is our emotions that are tooling with us…We rush into buying things we never intended to get, we rush into relationships we didn’t need...We basically rush our way through life trying to catch up or trying to keep up with our people...

It’s sad really

This is what you have to remember:



We all go through life at different stages. Just keep on going forward. progress is all that matters. Don’t let the achievements of those around you rush you into doing things you had no interest in doing at that exact time…Your time will come…and when that happens, you too will have something to show off…

…Swim your way to Shore

“He hurt me”, she said with a breaking voice. And you know what the worst thing is, she continued…

“He is not even sorry”

We’ve all been hurt before…Some of us are still hurting really. We’ve been hurt by the ones we love, the people close to us and just random people really. And we’ve hurt people too…but the thing is when we are hurt, when we are the victims,we dwell on with questions like “Why”

What we don’t realize though,is that when we keep asking ourselves that question, when we keep dwelling on with thoughts like why people hurt us, we are not healing…what we are doing is hurting ourselves even more…especially when the people who hurt us are not sorry or just don’t get it at all and we get no closure. So most of us most times , we distance ourselves from those who hurt us hoping maybe they will miss our presence and start asking why we are distant and then maybe eventually, they will come to us and tell us they are sorry or that they understand why we feel the way we do…But in the meanwhile, as we dwell on with questions, the chance to move past whatever happened gets even slimmer…

I think most of us have this mentality that the only way we can move past a heartbreak is if the person who hurt us actually apologizes and admits to being in the wrong. I mean that’s what I believe…scratch that…that’s what I believed.

The unfortunate thing is that many of us watch the hands on the clock spin their way into new days,weeks,months and even years as we wait for the people who broke our hearts to understand the weight of their damage..

We lay in a pool of pity instead of swimming ourselves to shore…where closure and joy will meet our feet in the sand…

Pierre Jeanty

Recently, I realized that you can’t wait on people who hurt you to come and save you from the misery they left your heart in. It’s not their responsibilityYes it’s their fault you feel the way you feel be it sad,angry or even betrayed…but it’s not their responsibility to get you back to your happy place. That my dear, is actually your responsibility. If you are going to wait on them to come and help lift you up, you might just end up waiting forever.

You put on your big boy pants and work your way to your happy place

Me😝

and if it’s any consolation, most times, the people who hurt us are hurting too…

It’s not you…it’s them

I didn’t plan on working on any blog posts today but I felt I needed to say this…so this was my morning…(By the way had an awesome weekend with my baby Elina 😍 but we will talk about that someday…)

So as I was saying…So neee

I posted a picture on Facebook last night mos, and today I saw there were notifications…people commented…so I scrolled through and it was right there…one word…

A random guy commented on my picture “Spaghetti” (well he wrote spahetti 😂,but ow well,not the point)my first reaction was mhhmmmm..,then I laughed. I didn’t know if I needed to take offense or to take it as a compliment.

My first interpretation of his comment was based more on the negative side but then I thought…why let myself think his comment had a negative idea behind it and ruin my day? Why just decide he had negative intentions when he wrote that…

So I told myself to look at it from a different perceptive…my perception and not his… I reminded myself his idea of me was not my idea of me…so instead of dwelling on the what he meant with that…I made up my own meaning…

he simply meant like Spaghetti, the very delicious spaghetti,I look delicious 😋…so I told myself he basically called me A WHOLE MEAL🤪

Awwww…thank you😊.

I mean maybe he meant to say something else…but I chose to make my own interpretation.

I wanted to respond to his comment with some great comebacks like maybe thank you porridge or something but well …I. stopped myself…his comment had nothing to do with me but everything to do with him. And also what if he simply just made an error and typed spaghetti instead of spectacular 😂😂😂…So I didn’t comment, I took the high road and simply left it as it was.

The point I am trying to emphasize here is…So many people will have different opinions, and comments about you.From the way you look, the things you do to the silliest things like basically your whole existence .Their perceptions of you will be different but you don’t have to worry or dwell on with the why people say what they say or what they could possibly mean when they throw their silly comments at you.

The only thing that you have to do is worry about your perception of you…What you think of yourself is all that matters in the end…

🌸Blessed Sunday y’all 🌸